The Switch
by LiquoriceLaw
Summary: One day, Captain finds a mysterious switch in the wasteland. What could it be for?


The Switch

Another day, another adventure...

Today's adventure took the form of wandering aimlessly through the wasteland looking for food, tools, anything to eke out what one might call a "living" solely out of generosity of spirit or an imperfect understand of the term. This didn't strike Snippy as quite as thrilling as the Captain seemed to think when he had announced the mission that morning, but it beat the days which actually qualified as "exciting" by a _long_ way.

Come to think of it, perhaps he was missing out on the excitement because he wasn't actually pursuing the mission at all. What Captain had really said was "A GLORIOUS QUEST IN SEARCH OF ITEMS OF WONDER TO AMUSE CAPTEIN", so presumably he and Pilot were on the lookout for anything shiny or dangerous, preferably both, with which they could mess around and add to the general destruction. Call him crazy, but Snippy thought food was higher on the list of priorities.

Pilot was leaping about up ahead using the bigger pieces of debris as stepping-stones, arms out and most likely making the usual aeroplane noises, but thankfully too far off to hear. The Captain was strolling along, taking in the ruined landscape, completely at his ease. Snippy was scanning the ground while keeping one eye out for marauding monsters, hostile survivors or anything else the wasteland might throw at them when he saw the Captain stoop to pick something up over to his left.

"MINIONS, ASSEMBLE." he commanded. Snippy tried to keep walking, doubting it was anything worth stopping for, but Pilot hoiked him back by the hood of his jacket on his way past without so much as looking at him. Of course.

The object which had attracted Captain's attention was a switch. At least, it had been in its former life as part of an electrical circuit; now it was more of a piece of scrap metal with some wires protruding. It was adorned with a scuffed red button. The colour must have been what had caught Captain's eye.

"What is it, Captain?" asked Pilot eagerly, ever impressed, or at least ready to be.

"What." Snippy was less enthusiastic.

"AT LAST, AFTER SO MANY YEARS OF SEARCHING, I HAVE FOUND IT!" Captain brandished the switch dramatically.

"You haven't been looking for a - _ow_!" Interrupting Captain while Pilot was around was… inadvisable, to say the least.

Seeing Snippy rub his shoulder, Captain graciously ignored the interjection and continued his speech.

"TRULY THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY FOR CAPTANIA. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS ARTICLE OF AMAZEMENT IS?"

"Looks like a piece of junk if you ask -" meeting Pilot's disconcerting green gaze, Snippy decided the question was probably rhetorical.

"I HAVE HERE THE KEY TO THE ULTIMATE POWER CAPTEIN SO RIGHTLY DESERVES. FOR THIS, MINIONS, IS THE ON/OFF SWITCH - TO THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE!"

Snippy guessed that the following pause was intended for them to attempt to wrap their minds around the immensity of this statement. He used the time to steel himself for what was to come.

"You mean -?" Pilot sounded suitably amazed.

"INDEED!" declared Captain triumphantly. "THIS SWITCH HOLDS THE POWER TO UNMAKE THE VERY FABRIC OF THE COSMOS!"

"Oh no!" Pilot gasped in fright.

"... WHICH WILL THEN BE REMADE IN THE GLORIOUS IMAGE OF CAPTEIN!"

"Hurray!" Pilot clapped his hands with glee and flung his arms around the scarf-wrapped neck of the Captain, who patted him benevolently on the head.

Snippy decided the sooner he put an end to this, the better. There was still hope of doing some useful scavenging today, but it was slipping away fast. "I hate to break it to you, but that switch isn't going to do anything. It's disconnected from whatever it used to be a part of. And even then I kind of doubt it was a universe-destroying machine. Apart from anything else, who would build one of those?"

Two looks fixed on him, one purple, one green, both angry. He still wasn't sure how that worked, what with the goggles and all, but he recognised the sentiment nonetheless. He was used to it. He started, weakly, to argue his case; "Look, I just don't think -"

"VERY WELL, MR SNIPPY. IF YOU DOUBT THE WORD OF CAPTEIN - "

Oh no.

"-YOU WILL BE THE ONE TO THROW THE SWITCH AND USHER IN THE GLORIOUS REFORGING OF THE UNIVERSE."

_What._

To be continued.


End file.
